Evil Exes - Revised
by AlphonseLuverNumber1
Summary: A rewritten and better version of an old story I posted here years ago. This story is about Ed's long journey to happiness as he makes the mistake of looking for love in all the wrong places, reflecting back on his relationships gone wrong. Part one of two. WARNINGS: YAOI, ABUSE, RAPE, PROSTITUTION AND CHARACTER DEATH - BEWARE OF THE CRACK COUPLES YOU ARE ABOUT TO FACE.
1. The monster they call love

A/N:

I'll make this short and sweet. I haven't counted the years since I first posted this story when I didn't even know how to write. Well, this is me redeeming myself with reposting my most well known piece of work, even better. I have big plans for this story, I even made a plotline this time! xD Anyways, this is part one of two, and I won't reveal to you any more. Have fun finding out for yourself~

WARNING: This story includes yaoi(GUYS DOING IT), incest, abuse, rape, prostitution, character death, and some rather explicit scenes and possibly lemon. Beware the crack pairings you are about to face, I would recommend only the open minded cross this line. Those daring enough to venture into this, enjoy~

(A shoutout to the most amazing person in the whole wide world, my best friend Brittany~ I send all my love and hugs from strangers~)

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**It was a long time ago. Things have changed. People have changed...**

Edward had never really put much consideration into dating, love, having a relationship just looked like it would get in the way. That was, until he took Mister Mustang for a wild ride. Roy was amazing, down to even the little things he would do,- and god damn if that self absorbed smirk wasn't just the sexiest thing the Fullmetal Alchemist had ever seen. The young boy had been seeing the raven haired man for a few months now, he'd sometimes leave Al in charge of reading through the masses of books they'd collected from the library and spend the night over at the colonel's house while he stopped into Central and wasn't busy with missions and such. Yeah, he knew what he was into, dating a man roughly twice his age,- and of the same gender even,- but he could give less of a shit about such unimportant details. He just knew Roy made sparks erupt every time he even got close, if this was wrong he didn't want to be right. So in these cases, having obtained the key to the man's house,- _maybe with a little pick pocketing,_- he'd head off to Roy's house before the man would return home from work and greet him there. The older always found it a sweet surprise, and Ed loved that smile he'd flash him when he ran up and threw his arms around him. They'd spin around, kiss... he honestly thought this could be his happy ever after right there. He'd get Al's body back at all costs and Roy would be there to pick up the pieces and make everything okay. Does that ever really work out, though...? This is where our story starts.

**I loved Roy more than anything. He was kind and sweet, he treated me just like I wanted to be treated,- and I didn't even have to say anything. It was like he just knew. I'd get concerned glances, and even Riza tried to give me the talk explaining I was in over my head, tried to tell me that I was a kid, I didn't know love. But I knew love... at least I thought I did, back then. I thought he was perfect. Maybe I was wrong after all.**

Ed had been waiting patiently for his love to return home from work, sitting in a faded red armchair in the frontroom with his back to the front door. He was a bit giddy, he only got this chance every once in a while to come over and couldn't wait until he saw those navy blue eyes light up and feel those arms around him, so he just hid his excitement behind a book shoved in his face, something he'd brought with him to kill time until Roy arrived. That was when he heard it, the front door quickly opened and twice as fast shut with a little more force than would be necessary, he didn't notice this as he threw the book aside and turned in the chair, poking his head up with an excited smile knowing the other would be happy to see him. But what he was greeted with wasn't the sweet surprised smile he was expecting, just the man disregarding him and taking off his coat to hang up on the rack by the door. He found this odd, but just jumped over the arm of the chair and rushed over to throw his arms around his lover anyways, maybe a hug would cheer up his bad day. However, he was stopped before he could reach the colonel and the older alchemist pushed him away. Shocked, wide golden eyes watched the man walk past him, up the stairs, into his bedroom and the door slammed shut behind him.  
Hesitantly, the blond moved up the stairs and to the bedroom door, he knew work could be hard on the other and he probably had a particularly hard day to act out like this. For a moment he contemplated going home, but he was determined to work past this and maybe brighten the other's day. So he placed a nervous hand on the doorknob and slowly turned it, just as slowly pushing the door open and peeking inside to see Roy sitting on the end of the bed and angrily removing his boots, throwing them onto the ground as if they had personally offended him. Flashed at Edward was a cold stare, and the smaller froze in spot, but his concern outweighed his want to leave the man to cool off. "Roy...? Are you okay...?" He asked softly, but the other didn't reply, just left him standing there in the doorway. Just as the younger opened his mouth to follow his previous statement with another, the man jumped off the bed and stomped over, placing his hand on the door next to the other's head and slamming it shut, trapping the Fullmetal Alchemist between he and the wood, leaning in close.

** Maybe I didn't know what I was getting myself into. That everything could just turn sour just like that, that someone could just _change._ My perfect romance swept away in just the snap of a thread,- or more like sanity. I still don't know whatever happened to him. Or why whatever was out there hated me so much that this had to happen. **

Edward was just shaking from the look he was given, those dark eyes of the other had such a skill at boring a hole right through you. "R-Roy?" He stuttered, a bit frightened at this point. This was Roy though, right? He wouldn't... "Shut up." Snapped the raven haired man, booming tone right in Ed's ear caused him to jump slightly at the tone that was used. Those golden eyes twinkled with what he would insist wasn't fear,- even if he was quaking in it,- and almost popped right out of their sockets at what happened next, Roy moved in suddenly and bit down roughly onto his neck. Large, paler hands than his own moved down his torso and found the fasten of his pants, grabbing them by the folds and forcing them open with disregard for the button.  
Ed didn't know what to do. Of course he was still Edward Elric, his first instinct should've been to throw the bastard off of him and proceed to kick the shit out of him, but this was different. This was Roy. He _loved_ him! He realized just how different this was to any of his other predicaments, this wasn't just someone wearing the face of one he loved... this _was_ someone he loved. And he wasn't prepared to fight Roy Mustang. Tears welled in his eyes and his hands quivered as he fruitlessly placed them against the other in an attempt to maybe push him away, "R-Roy... p-please..." His attempt was not only feeble but futile once the man pulled back, oh, he did stop. To slap the boy. His hand came down forcefully onto his own cheek, snapping his head to the side and leaving a forming bruise. The smaller was in too much shock to even react, Roy... slapped him? This wasn't the man he fell in love with. He didn't even notice as he was moved to be thrown down onto the bed, flesh and automail hand alike held behind his back in a grasp he couldn't escape. Roy... what was he doing?

**That was the first day he raped me... a lot of crying, kicking and screaming. I learned quickly just how much he didn't like that. Maybe I didn't know a lot about love but this wasn't how it was supposed to be. There was supposed to be kindness and gentle touches, shared smiles and... well, _love._ This wasn't love. I couldn't tell anyone about this incident, I just kept trying to get closer to him- he was the only one I _could_ turn to, but the only one I couldn't. Every time I tried to get close, this would happen... There were only tears. I just couldn't do it any more, I couldn't be with him. Not like that.**

It had been a whole month. Al had begun to ask about the bruises Edward couldn't explain,- his precious baby brother didn't even know he and Roy were together to start with. He figured something could be done about this. Red coat billowing out behind him in the wind, the Fullmetal Alchemist marched to Central Headquarters with bold confidence,- which very quickly dissipated as he approached the door to Roy's office. But before he could abandon his balls and get the hell out of dodge, the door was opened by another trying to get by. Golden eyes flickered up to the taller woman, none other than the lieutenant herself, Edward couldn't choke out any words before a voice spoke up. Not from Riza, but from inside the office. "Hawkeye, who is it?" He heard Roy's deep baritone, which quickly drove a quivering fear into him like a hot blade. In answer, the woman didn't use her voice but moved aside to unveil the shaking blond standing before the doorway. "Dismissed." The colonel quickly snapped at the woman, who snaked her way past Edward without another word. With no other choice, the small alchemist walked inside the room and honestly didn't want to shut the door behind himself until he caught the cold gaze from the other and realized he didn't want to be shouted at to close it and did so. "What is it you want?" Roy asked the trembling blond who now reluctantly moved closer to his desk. He eyed the coffee mug on his desk for a moment as he could just smell it from across the room, whiskey with a little bit of coffee. The blond placed his metal hand firmly onto the desk trying to gather lost confidence as he took in a deep breath.  
"I'm not going to do this any more, Roy. I'll be your subordinate but I won't be with you and I certainly don't want to see you again if I'm going to be treated like you've been treating me." He finally voiced with boldness what had been crowding his mind for so long, but immediately regretted it upon seeing the look that the Flame Alchemist shot at him. Edward flinched of instinct but the impending blow he expected was never delivered, he glanced back over to see the other's chair almost halfway across the room as if he'd thrown it back and his tall frame standing in the window, sipping from his coffee and glancing out. He had a soft expression on his face, which puzzled the blond, but finally he spoke up. "Fine, have it your way." He answered, shooting Ed a look that had him out of the door in seconds.

**With that, I began to avoid the colonel with every precaution possible, nightmares of the man plaguing me. I merely contacted him about missions and work related such, and even then I only did so by phone or talking to the others. I didn't go back to that office again. More than anything... I just want to forget him. Forget that. Just... forget...**

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So I ask kindly you leave me a review and tell me what you think! If I made a typo or misspelt something I missed when going back and editing, you can just alert me and I will fix that issue. I will be back soon to upload chapter two!  
~Haily


	2. Comfort in strange places

A/N: Yes, a new chapter so soon! Excuse how hastily typed and edited this was, I may have made some spelling errors and mistypes. It actually came out a lot shorter than I expected it to, seemed a lot longer when I was typing it up. Anyways, enjoy~

(Shoutout to Brittany again, and my good friend Charley the Magic Unicorn, who convinced me to get up off my lazy ass and type this up. You guys are awesome~)

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**Months had passed, and every day felt like some kind of nightmare. I worked myself to the bone just trying to wear away the memory, even the soft concerning tone of my baby brother's voice couldn't comfort me. In fact, at times it could just make me feel worse knowing that I couldn't see his smile and that was my fault. It was too much stress to deal with on top of everything already, so... I fell to last resorts. I found someone, someone who could make me forget all about him.**

"Al, you can get the groceries this time, right?" Ed shoved a scribbled-over piece of paper in the gloves of his brother's armor, his dumbfounded baby brother glancing over the list given to him. "Bu-But brother, isn't this the third time this week?" He tried to reach his brother, but the blond already had the door open. "_Headlight fluid?_ Is that even a thing? We don't even have a _car!_" But his brother still wouldn't give an explanation, just shoved the suit of armor out the door. "No buts! I'm hungry!" He shouted after him, and with a quickly closed door, he had no option but to make yet another run down to the market and go on the scavenger hunt of a shopping list Edward had made. Just as soon as the wood was between them, Edward let out a long, relieved sigh and fell back against the wall of their dorm. He ran his hand back through long, loose blond hair he'd let down. He'd been stripped down to just his old black tank top, fitting loosely to his lithe form, lazily tucked into his signature leather pants which could barely cling to his hips due to his belt being undone and helplessly hanging from his waistline. He tuned into the sound of heavy hollowed armor feet fading away down the hall, until the sound was so faint he couldn't hear anymore, and it was replaced with a loud knock at the door.  
He grinned as he pushed away from the wall and quickly yanked open the door, what greeted him looked to be just an ordinary soldier. Same bright blue uniform, same short cut hair hidden by the same old military uniform hat. The blond reached forward and roughly grabbed the brunette by his collar, yanking him into the room. As soon as that wooden door shut closed, red flashed about the room, that military uniform transformed into a halter top and matching shorts and those short brown locks lengthened into long green locks. Pearly white teeth curled into a toothy grin and Ed threw himself back against the wall, the other came crashing down onto him. Mouths, lips, teeth and tongues fused, wrestled soon broke apart,- leaving the blond panting and gasping. He wrapped his arms around the man's neck, arching his body against him. "I hate you." The green haired male mumbled against the blond's lips. "I hate you, too." The smaller returned with a faint smile touching those plump, now kiss bruised pink lips, and their mouths crashed together once more.

**That's right, Envy. Why? How could I want someone who desperately sought to see me dead? I asked myself this, but drew a complete blank. I reached out with a need, of somebody, anybody. He was the only hand that grasped mine. His intentions I was unaware even if he had any, but his body felt so good against my own. I felt safe knowing he'd rather have and hate me than kill me himself.**

Today was no different than any other day, the sun was high in the sky and shining bright, the clouds puffy and white, and Roy was being an asshole. Of course, Ed hadn't seen him directly, but according to Havoc he was really laying down the assignments. Sighing softly, he tuned into the familiar sound of armored footprints behind him, peeking around the rummage of a mostly destroyed library,- one that had apparently contained some significantly important information. Gold eyes flickered, catching a glimpse of something moving just out the corner of his vision. "Hey Al, you go look around over there and I'll head that way, we can cover more ground." Al, although offset by his brother's distance as of lately, gave a nod of his helmet and wandered off in the direction his older brother had indicated. Edward followed what he'd caught a brief glimpse of, being lead inside what remained of the library's structure, hidden away from the rest of the world by a few walls still left standing. Said walls were burnt black and the structure just barely holding together, the blond a bit concerned about how long it'll hold with him still inside. He saw a flicker of a shuffling shadow, following it with his automail hand placed against the wall at a corner, peering down a long, dark hallway.  
A sharp gasp was the next noise to leave him when another body suddenly pressed against his own, ready to fight the fucker off before he spotted that head of familiar green hair, that recognizable voice filled his ears. "What brings you here, Pipsqueak?" He heard, fists clenching white at the nickname the other had so fondly given him. "I could say the same, Palmtree." He snapped back with narrowed eyes and a focused frown, breaking away from the body just to be once again pinned to the wall. "I wanted to see you..." Envy mumbled as he moved in to take Ed's neck hostage. And somewhere deep inside... the blond fretted that he was actually happy to see the homunculus. There was no way he had _feelings_ for the other... could he? Just as he was losing himself in bad thoughts, he was snatched from his stupor when Envy struck a sensitive nerve, gripping onto long locks of green and moaning softly, those thoughts forced to the back of his mind.

**That was when it hit me. I had begun to develop an attachment to Envy, feelings tried to grow. After Roy... that was just something I couldn't deal with. My heart was already in shambles, just something I couldn't love with any more. Especially not someone like Envy, who could be the death of me one day. So I decided to nip this in the bud.**

The sky was masked in darkness, so many of the stars refused to shine and the light of the moon was hidden by clouds. Edward stared down at his boots, scraping against the concrete, listening in on the sound of the playground toys squeaking in the chilly wind. Pulling his bright red cloak tighter around his cold form, he lifted his golden gaze. Didn't take but a minute to find the figure walking right for him,- and from behind,- watching as the oddly shaded canine transformed into a human form with a bright red flash. Edward huffed an amused sigh, hair blowing over his face in the wind. "So you were following me, I had a feeling." The blond shot a dead frown at the homunculus, you could tell just by glancing at the small alchemist that he had something on his mind. "Says the one trying to lure me here. Why so late, why so public? Didn't know you liked it that kinky~" Envy chuckled, flashing that cocky grin of his, but when he moved in the blond pushed him away.  
"What is it, Pipsqueak?" He found it even more curious when the smaller didn't react in the slightest to his fond insult, just held him at bay with a hand against his chest and his eyes on their feet. "Envy..." Edward started, which was odd of him to call him by name and not his own fond insult he'd chosen for the green-haired male. "This... thing, what we have here. It ends now. I can't do this anymore." He could finally find the words, worrying in the back of his mind if the homunculus would listen to reason. He could hear the creak in the metal of his automail hand as he grasped onto his red coat maybe a little too hard. Envy froze momentarily,- well yes he did see this coming, what with the whole affair they were caught up he didn't even expect this to work out in the first place. The words still shocked him slightly, but he quickly shook it off, stepped back and ran a pale hand through long green locks, smoothing the strands back and out of his face. "Yeah, I saw that coming... guess I'll just see you the next time I kick your ass, Pipsqueak." Envy was quick back to his usual demeanor, and although the blond was still a bit shaken up, he flashed a small smile at that. That was easier than he thought it would be, he took it pretty well. Envy grabbed Edward by his hips to his surprise and pulled him close against his body, their mouths collided, tongues tangling in an almost blinding fury. Raw feeling was poured into this one little kiss, the two of them trying to get closer than they actually could. After they managed to vacuum the air from one another, the kiss ended and both their lips and bodies separated. Before Ed could even ask, Envy answered. "Something to remember me by, Pipsqueak." And before the blond could retaliate, he turned, leaving the blond to watch the retreating figure of an oddly colored dog. He sighed softly, a bittersweet smile gracing his lips as he ran his flesh hand back through a mess of blond.

**I admit Envy was a bad idea to start with, but... he was just so intoxicating. I couldn't help but indulge, who could? It was an odd comfort. Envy was going to be hard to simply just forget, pretend like it never happened and go back to hating him at a distance. But that's what I had to do... just forget.**

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****So there you have chapter two! I would like to know what you thought, if you would kindly leave me a review~ Look forward to chapter three soon,- but not too soon. I'm still in the process of writing unlike these first two chapters, so it'll be a while. Not too long hopefully. Have a nice day~


	3. When jealousy strikes

A/N: I am so totally spoiling you guys. I rushed to the ending of this chapter and spent all night typing it up, and I'm actually quite proud of this one. Usually I'm a lot more spacey in my writing, and I hope I don't have your expectations up- The first two chapters and half of this one were already written when I started posting so they went up fast. I don't know how long before chapter four is done, or if I've even decided on what I'm doing with it, because I wanted to add in just one extra ex and make a new chapter not included in the original of this story. Anyways, until then I have an irresistible urge to write more oneshots and stories to clothe my naked FanFiction account, and I might be posting a short story every once in a while until chapter four has been written, typed and posted. Anyways, I'm done ranting, you enjoy the story!

(I had to look at the wiki several times during this just to check out names and remember what currency they used in this anime. xD)

Special thanks to:  
Charley the Magic Unicorn, for staying up and talking to me tonight.  
Brittany, just for being awesome and supporting this story so much  
And Owl City, fifteen of Adam's songs got me through typing up this monster. xD

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**I just wanted to give it up, to focus on the problems I already had without all this relationship stress on top of it. I didn't want any more men to trouble my life. But then... I found something out, something that made my skin crawl, something that made me do something stupid. Something real stupid...**

Edward couldn't deny, his hands were shaking, even his automail clicked together and made an audible reveal of his true nervousness. Nervous, but confident. This would make him feel better... right? It felt as if it had been years since he last stared at this door,- and boy did he remember the last time he was standing in front of it. Taking in a deep breath, he put on that old cocky attitude and only hesitated a moment before he pushed it open with the same abandon he used to. He instantly caught the attention of every person in the room, pretending to ignore the extra surprised look he got from those dark blue eyes sitting behind a pile of paperwork on his desk. Everyone was present, from Riza,- who'd perched herself on the edge of Roy's desk a little too close not to notice,- Fuery, Breda, even Falman. But Edward was only locked on the last one, Havoc. No one dare said anything, couldn't find the words, just stared mindlessly and watched the teen march across the room to stop in front of the table that the blond haired smoker was sitting at. He looked just as much as himself as he could, with a spare cigarette tucked behind his ear, his collar wasn't fixed properly and his undershirt was a little too far unbuttoned. A look that was good on him. "E-Ed-" He started to stumble for the right words to say, immediately interrupted by the younger grabbing his crooked collar with an automail hand and yanked him upwards, melding their lips together in a tantalizing kiss. If the room wasn't surprised at first, they sure as hell were now. A few small gasps filled the room, Falman snuck out the door and Fuery under-hand passed Breda roughly ten Cenz. Roy was simply shell shocked. Ed couldn't help but notice the hole that the colonel tried to burn through him with those dark navy eyes, peeking a glance out the very corner of his half-lidded golden gaze. He hoped he felt like shit.  
A smirk crossed Ed's lips when he separated his own from those of the taller blond's, taking in the shocked expression he was given. "We still on for dinner tonight~?" The younger asked with a flirty lilt to his voice, watching how quick the mindless nod he was given came from the smoker. "Good, see you at eight~" He purred, letting go of the man's collar, he fell back into his chair with a bit of a thump. As he turned and began to strut away, he threw a glance over his shoulder to see Jean tug on his collar and nervously chuckle. The door shut behind the Fullmetal Alchemist and the silence in the office lingered for a few slow moments,- that was, until Havoc scrambled out of his chair and knocked it over behind him as he made a mad dash for the door and it shut quickly behind him.

**Havoc and I had been seeing each other for a few weeks,- what he didn't realize was that made it three days just after Roy and Riza had announced their relationship. Or more like they were found out and the rumor just spread quickly, because that was the day it reached me. I couldn't help it, and I admit it was stupid but... I just wanted to hurt Roy. Hurt him like he hurt me. And even though it was a long shot,- I couldn't even tell if he would care at this point,- jealousy always worked, right?**

Thirty-five minutes. Edward didn't need to look at his pocket-watch again to know, he'd done so enough already. It wasn't too late into the evening, eight thirty-five to be exact, and Edward had actually changed his attire. A red button down and snazzy black pants, well fitting and rather attractive on the small blond. All dressed up to sit at a lonesome table for what felt like an eternity to the impatient blond, waiting for his date. A gloved hand tapped against the table,- he wouldn't even take those off in his dinner apparel, had to keep away questions about his automail,- and just as the golden blond was ready to give up, he turned to step out of his chair that felt more like a prison and was met with a faceful of lovely red roses. Behind them was a rather flushed looking Havoc, looking rather shique in a knitted sweater his hair combed and even his shoes shined. "Sorry I'm late, I got caught up. But I bought roses on the run over! Roses are your favorite, right?" He laughed nervously, waving the bouquet when the younger blond still had a mad expression on his face. But a smile broke out on the teen's face and he snatched the roses with a cute laugh- Jean was right, roses weren't just his favorite but his weak spot, and in the weeks they had been dating the taller used this knowledge to his full advantage.  
"You're buying me dessert for making me wait." Ed informed the other, but flashed a smile when he looked back down at the roses and simply set them down on their table while Havoc seated himself across from the other. Just then, an idea popped into the blond's mind that had him rising out of his seat to reach the better half of his upper-body across the table. His hand grabbed the extended neck of Jean's sweater and pulled him in closer, their lips were just centimeters apart hovering apart from one another. "Or maybe... you could make it up to me later tonight, back at your place~" He whispered against a pair of lips almost as soft as his own, pressing them together for a good lingering moment to pull back and giggle at the deer-in-the-headlights look he received from his boyfriend. He planted back in his chair, calling over the waitress to finally get them their drinks, he and his date going over the menu together. What Havoc wasn't aware of would be the pair of navy blue eyes, trying to suddenly develop lazer powers and obliterate him from across the restaurant. The table was picked out so perfectly that black-and-blond haired couple were just out of sight of the two blonds, said couple being in the very center of their only visual field. Admittedly, Edward had been anticipating this date with several days of stalking and careful planning. That was the Fullmetal Alchemist for you, you'd never know what was up his sleeve.  
Out of the corner of a bright yellow eye, Edward watched Riza calmly remove a steak knife from Roy's grip so strong you'd think he could just snap the metal into pieces, her eyes averted while he knew the colonel's were locked right on target. Fighting back laughter he just flashed a bright smile to his date, scooting their chairs closer so they could both look at one menu while the waitress was retrieving their drinks. With a simple, sweet kiss and a decision on their meals, Havoc laid the menu flat on the table and turned his attention to the shorter blond. "So, tell me. What was all that about in the office this morning? I haven't seen you in there in... hell, almost a year." He finally asked, sliding a hand around Ed's back to place it on the edge of his chair and lean in closer to the other. "What, I can't just come see my boyfriend when I wanna?" Edward faked hurt, puffing his lip out in a pout that was easily seen through. "When it involves having to look your ex in the eye, be in the same room?" Now Havoc didn't know much about Ed and Roy's relationship, just knew as much as the other's did when they started walking in on the couple's little 'escapades' in the office when they thought everyone had left for lunch and the rumor spread around. And as much as he knew about their break up was when Roy's mood turned sour and the blond refused to show his face in the office again, he was actually the boy's source of communication between he and his superior- information on missions and issues to address. He knew it had to be something that his commanding officer did to upset the boy that made him not want to even look at him again. "But what's one ugly face to looking into those pretty blue eyes of yours?" Then asked the Fullmetal Alchemist in a smooth save, gloved hand of flesh laid against Havoc's cheek as he leaned in closer and flashed those pouty gold eyes that he knew damn well could make the other melt. Well that seemed to work, judging by the dreamy look in deep blue eyes, the smoker smiling like a fool. He laughed softly and leaned in, sharing a sweet kiss while across the restaurant he could hear the suffering pleas of the plate underneath the steak that Roy had been massacring with a butter knife for about five minutes now. Mission accomplished.

**Yeah, I knew that it was wrong to lead him on the way I did, and although I really did care about Jean... it just wasn't as much as he thought. The most important thing on my mind was making Roy suffer, make him suffer like he did me... And because I could never cause him the damage, not only emotional but physical trauma he delivered, this was as close as I was getting to that. I thought I deserved that much, and it really was working. I just didn't understand the severity of it all... I'd drug an innocent bystander in the emotional war between he and I.**

The Elric brothers hadn't anything particular planned with their day, just an angsty afternoon to sit back and enjoy the nonstop anticipation of the next chance they'd get to get out there and _do something._ Even Edward had decided to take a day off from his well thought out schemes to make Roy feel like a piece of shit with his mass amounts of PDA with Havoc. Even in the weeks passing, some days he'd come into the office in the mornings on Havoc's arm, making it painfully obvious he'd not only stayed over and had Havoc drive him back to Central Head Quarters but they'd spent their night rolling under the sheets. Not a spot on the taller man would he leave unmarked, put on display his own hickies and even once purposefully left a pair of handcuffs dangling out of Havoc's military uniform pocket. But today the two brothers had just agreed to do what they could to simply relax, and that's just what they planned to do. So Alphonse took the opportunity to practice his transmutation circles back in the extra room at the back of their military-provided dorm, and Edward decided to do something he rarely ever did. Make lunch, as opposed to eating out and grabbing quick snacks(And snack he would.) Sure, he'd be the only one to enjoy it... but he supposed an easy solution would be to take the leftovers in to the office later that afternoon and share it with his boyfriend. Maybe rub it in Roy's face. And by maybe, that means he'd totally overdo it and have fun with it. So the small blond hummed to himself as he prepared an old recipe of Pinako's for the stew he and Alphonse were raised eating, finding his afternoon inside rather enjoyable with nothing going horribly wrong and almost getting everyone killed. Just a normal, relaxing afternoon inside. ... Or so he thought.  
Edward almost jumped right out of his skin when he heard the door of their dorm slam open, posed ready to transmute his automail arm as he cautiously stepped inside the frame of his kitchen door to eye the intruder. What he saw... really wasn't what he expected. A dumbfounded expression crossed him as shock flickered in golden eyes, the form in his door belonging to none other than Jean Havoc, sporting a black eye, bloody nose and a torn shirt. He was hunched over, an obvious burn on his hand and verging on tears. "We need to talk." Was all he said. Words couldn't describe the panicked thoughts, the things going through the Fullmetal Alchemist's head, he just knew that Roy had something to do with it and he didn't like that. "Are you okay?!" That panic and worry was transferred into his tone as he rushed over to check the man out. "I'm fine, that's not why I'm here." The smoker's tone was almost harsh, it struck something deep in the boy's chest that he really didn't like. With his mouth hung open, trying to say something, anything, he was given another scare. He heard the creaking of a wooden door opening, freezing up upon his little brother's voice filling his ears. "Brother, is everything okay?" Called the soft tone, and the teen thanked the god he didn't believe in up above that the other didn't walk out and into this in-explainable scene. "Uh, yeah! Just stay back there!" He called back, just receiving an "You better not have broken something again!" and the sound of the door shutting. The others at the office might have known their share, but Edward tried his damnedest just to keep Al in the shadows, he didn't need to know of the mess that his idiotic big brother had gotten himself into.  
The smaller of the two blonds grabbed the other by the arm, pulling him out of the door and into the thankfully empty hall outside, closing the door. Here, his precious baby brother couldn't overhear or walk in. "What is it we need to talk about...?" He finally put his concerns on Havoc, heart sinking in his chest at those tears he could see welling in shiny blue eyes. "Do you love me?" He heard the cracking voice of his boyfriend, causing him to freeze in pure shock. He couldn't answer a question he didn't know the answer to. "Wh-What do you mean? What _happened?_" He answered the other's question with one of his own, placing his metal hand on the shoulder pad of Jean's uniform jacket, cautiously close to the other. Something told him that if he got too close he'd just get pushed away, or maybe that was the bad memories talking. He still heeded their warning. "Me and the colonel got in a fight. He just stopped me in the hall today and beat the shit out of me. He... he said you were only dating me to make him jealous. I-I need to know he was wrong, Ed. You have to answer me. _Do you love me?_" Jean finally admitted with a stutter to his voice. The shock to Edward was like a cold slap to the face, tensing up, the silence said enough to Havoc. "You don't, do you?" He choked, the first tear fell and was quickly followed. Ed's expression changed to something akin to utter regret, trying to force his lips to form words they refused. The second silence spoke novels, and his automail hand was shoved away. "J-Jean, please!" He tried to stop the man from stomping away, but something stopped his feet from chasing after the man. Could have been those old instincts telling him that if he did, he'd get hurt. He simply received a regretful glance from over Havoc's shoulder, "No, I think I've heard enough. I... I should've seen it sooner." Hiding the crack in his voice and relentless tears he couldn't wipe away, the smoker turned and left the blond to watch him disappear down the stairs until he could no longer see his retreating form. The blond gave up with a long sigh, quietly opened his dorm room door and fell against the closest wall, sinking down to his knees, his own tears now escaping. Not out of some pathetic self pity, for losing someone he really did care about... no, for hurting that person. Hurting others because he himself was hurt only made himself the bad man he didn't realize until now, and felt horrible for knowing he crushed Havoc. And it was all his fault.

**Maybe I should've realized sooner it wasn't just myself I should've been thinking about. I was playing with the feelings of other people, too, Jean was just an innocent bystander. I hurt his feelings and Roy hurt his face, it killed me to know now not only could he not hold a girlfriend, but a boyfriend, too... He was crushed. I just wished Havoc could forgive me for something I couldn't forgive myself for. If we could just forgive and forget... Just forget.**

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A/N: I'd love to know what you think~! Leave a review if you would please~ ^^


	4. Time to Think

A/N: Wow, okay, this is overdue. Like, way overdue. Way, way overdue. So, sorry for the late chapter, but I came across a dilemma. Well, more like several. It started with writer's block, which held me hostage for a while before I got an idea, but then a lot of personal drama went down, and as I started rewatching the original series I noticed how badly out of sync this is with the actual anime. But then I decided, I don't care! But then more drama went down, and then I got introduced to Homestuck, which I crammed the entire series into two days. And then my girlfriend distracted me with her cuteness. So. Totally not my fault she's adorable. But I finally got it all down and crammed the entire final draft into tonight! Onto important matters!

*I AM ISSUING A CHAPTER WARNING!  
This chapter contains UNDERAGE DRINKING, though is completely inconsequential and I just put into this story -because I could.- So if this bothers you *soooooo* much, you shouldn't be reading this. That is all, enjoy reading!

(Shoutout to Brittany again! And my new lovely, Borris~)

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**Days, weeks, time whizzed by and dates were like flying colors, the aimless turning clock just kept ticking and the sound drove me mad with every click. Events occurred, and everything only got harder and harder with this sick and twisted game called 'love' clinging onto my back. I'd hurt people, people I care about, and I'd hurt myself. I had to escape.**

The soft whistle of a train was completely tuned out by the blond alchemist with his warm cheek pressed flush against the cold glass of the train window, listening closely to every time the wheels clicked over a track and the engine softly chugged. He'd been spaced out like this for a while now, leaving his little brother in the big hunk of metal to sit across from him and watch warily. Lately his brother just wasn't the same. He already noticed a while ago, how his smiles had begun to turn fake and he acted like he was 'fine' around himself, but now even that washed away. He'd lost the will to hold it together, and it concerned the one person who loved him most, his brother. This morning the blond had just thrown some clothes in a carry-on case, grabbed Al and dragged him out the door. He questioned him several times, all Ed answered him with was "We're leaving town for a few days." And didn't explain past that point. "Brother, where are we going...?" It was the third time he asked the question, but what made this different was Ed actually snapped his attention away from the window, flopped back in his seat and decided to give him an answer. "We're going to Xenotime. It's been a while since we promised Russell and Fletcher that we'd visit again." The shorter of the two explained, finally looking up and into the empty, bottomless holes carved into that damned suit of armor to serve as eyes, but all he saw was the back of the helmet. And it was his fault, that made him sick. "We're going to see Fletcher?" Alphonse perked up excitedly, and damn... If that boy could smile, it'd be right there in his voice. Ed wasn't sure if it made him happy, or guilty knowing he was the one to steal that smile away. At the turning of his stomach, he decided to look away again, he took this trip to run away from this depression, not dwell on it every minute of the day.  
It wasn't long before the train softly screeched to a halt and the brothers un-boarded, Ed gripping an automail hand tightly around the handle of his small suitcase. Xenotime had changed since they last visited, it was so much more lively with clean, fresh air and the older Elric brother was positively sure there was somewhere a few buzzing farms in full production thanks to the Tringham brothers. Some of the locals even recognized Edward and Alphonse as they walked down the wide streets, waving and grinning and greeting them- sometimes they even got it right which brother was which, but even when they were wrong Ed didn't overreact as much as he usually did. "It's a lot nicer than we left it." The younger brother pipped up, that smile was there in his voice again. "Yeah... We'll stay for a few days. You know what teacher says, sometimes you just gotta clear your head." Ed flashed a half-smile up at his brother, bumping their shoulders together affectionately. Well, more like Ed's shoulder against Al's forearm, thanks to the damn height difference he was not in favor of. In all their distraction, the Elric brothers didn't notice what they were about to run into until they did, Edward collided with someone's chest and they bumped into one another. The blond stumbled back, "I'm sorry, wasn't looking where I-" he began apologizing just to look up and stop mid-sentence. And there he was, Russel Tringham, just who they were looking for. "My my, look what the cat drug in. We were thinking you'd never come back, oh great FullMetal Alchemist." Russell teased the shorter, ruffling blond bangs. Ed swatted his hand away, chuckling softly under his breath. "Hey, we said we'd visit, right?" Was all the shorter rebuttled with. His smile was hardly there, and all his liveliness was just... Dead, the Edward Russell knew would've thrown a punch within the first few seconds of greeting him, the younger blond noticed this. His thoughts were interrupted, however, when Al spoke up. "Where's Fletcher?" He asked excitedly, earning a smile from the eldest Tringham brother and his older brother's attention. "He's back on the farm. Come on, I'll show you guys around." With that, he turned and lead the two down the street, back homeward.

**Wise words from a woman I look up to, she told me that sometimes you just have to think. Well, that's what she told us before leaving us on a deserted island for a week. But she was right, sometimes I just had to clear my head. Xenotime was the perfect place to escape everything, spend some time where both me and Al could sit back and finally relax. So we agreed to stick around for the weekend. A few days away from everything that was making our lives a living Hell didn't sound so bad.**

The day wore down steadily as the sky burned down and rested over the hill. The Tringham and the Elric brothers had a lovely day together, Russell showed off their farm and Fletcher demonstrated his skills in plant alchemy, they shared lunch and visited their old friend Belsio. The two oldest brothers agreed that Alphonse and Fletcher were adorable in the way they spent most their time with each other like two little children in a close friendship, Al had asked Fletcher to teach him about plant alchemy and they spent a lot of the day exchanging notes and practicing amongst themselves. It made Edward smile to see his little brother so happy and playful. Alas, the sun sets and the day ends, the younger Tringham brother had already retired to bed and the younger Elric was right after him, Edward found it cute how he didn't want to separate from his new best friend. This left only the two older brothers, sitting in the front-room, the only light cast was by the flickering fire, which was also the only thing keeping the older blond warm. He'd shed himself down to just his tanktop and same old leather pants, his jacket, boots, coat and belt in a pile across the room. Sitting on the very edge of the couch closest to the fire, he had his legs pulled up where he could hug himself and rest his chin on his kneecaps, a thin wool blanket draped over his shoulders. Russell had also gotten more comfortable, kicked off his boots and his belt, his button-down shirt was mostly unbuttoned, but he felt warm enough just being near the fire, sitting in an armchair across from the other blond. He watched him shiver softly, then pull the blanket tighter around his arms, spaced out as he watched the fire dance. They'd been making idle chit chat, Ed shared some details about his venture to find his brother's body, but seeing as everything was a massive overload lately he tried not to talk about his life so much. Mostly it was talk about Xenotime's newfound liveliness, Russell's farm and their little brothers' excitement to meet again. However, the conversation had died down by this point. Russell could tell, Ed lost all his liveliness, his short temper, his never ending burst of energy, his recklessness, all the personality just drained from him and his smile was stolen away.  
"Why did you come back to Xenotime, Ed?" The eldest Tringham brother asked finally, watching Edward's golden gaze dull down, staring down into his lap. "Things have been hard on us lately." He answered in a murmur, muffled somewhat by his face being buried in his knees. "Don't you mean _you_?" Russell interjected, causing the older's head to lift just in time to watch him stand up from the armchair. On his way out of the room, he ruffled Ed's hair again,- the foreign touch made him wince slightly, but Russell wasn't unwelcome. "I think I know what can make that frown turn upside down." The taller smirked mischievously, waltzing into the kitchen and opening up the cabinet, he pulled down a bottle. Not just any bottle, to be exact it was an aged bottle of an old foreign whisky, something left behind by his dad. Being unsupervised, there wasn't anything stopping them. Golden orbs widened substantially when Edward realized what Russell was doing, watching his friend nonchalantly pull down two, short drinking glasses and set them on the counter next to the bottle. "Whoa, whoa! What the hell do you think you're doing?! You're younger than _I_ am!" Ed shouted after him,- while at the same time attempting to keep his voice down so he didn't wake their brothers,- and jumped up from the couch, leaving the blanket behind to storm into the kitchen. "Come on, Ed. You need to loosen up and relax some, and this will help. Trust me." The older blond narrowed his gaze at the eldest Tringham brother, watching him pour a light amount into a glass and sliding it down the cabinet to himself. He stopped, looking down at the glass and he thought about it. Never had he tried alcohol before, he wasn't even interested in it. It was... Wrong, right? But what was so wrong about it? If it would really help lift the world up off his shoulders, perhaps indulging himself a bit couldn't hurt. As long as Al didn't find out...  
"Just this once..." He mumbled, picking up the glass with a shaking flesh hand. Trying not to think too hard about it, he placed the edge of the glass against his lips and took back more than he probably should have, almost instantly spitting it back up. It burnt something awful, the bitter taste wasn't exactly gumdrops and sugarplums. But it didn't take a minute before a warm, pleasant feeling washed over him and his head spun in a way he couldn't explain that just made him feel... Happy. "Whoa now, you aren't drinking soda." Russell mused, watching the other blond carefully to make sure he didn't take too much. Edward chuckled lightly, the next drink he took being a softer sip. "Atta' boy." The taller laughed, patting the older on the back. It wouldn't hurt to relax once in a while, and he'd watch over the other, so he hadn't anything to worry about.

**Don't ask me what I was thinking, because I don't know. Being a teenager just meant having fun some times, even if it bends some rules. It wasn't reckless or anything, nothing really went completely wrong. I just finally relaxed for a moment, and forgot everything. Maybe I was a little out of my own mind, braver to do things that I shouldn't have, but nothing was hurt. Russell was just one sweet talker.**

Roughly a full glass and a half of whisky later,- that being quite a lot for just a beginner,- long past Russell had hid away the bottle, he watched the older roll around on the carpet in front of the fireplace, laughing until his sides burned and rolling around speaking gibberish. This was better, at least he was smiling. The younger blond hadn't had much himself, he had to watch over the other after all. By the time Edward had tuckered himself out, he just flopped on his back in front of the fireplace, watching the nonexistent swirling patterns dance in the wooden ceiling. Russell mused softly, chuckling while he seated himself on the floor where Edward was, vertically opposite to him he laid down on his stomach, their faces a little closer than they should be. The golden blond's face was flushed, his eyes unfocused and his breath had the strong scent of alcohol clung onto it. But seeing as it was a smell and taste that Russell had acquired, it wasn't anything he shied away from. Giggling down at the other and just how cute he looked like that, Russell rested his weight on his elbows and tapped Ed's nose with a finger. "We should put you to bed, I think we've had enough fun for one night..." He voiced his thought, "Ah c'mnon, I haven' had _that _much..." Edward mumbled, "I'm not a child." And, contradictory to what he just said, the FullMetal Alchemist then stuck his lip out in a pout. Russell laughed, starting to sit up.  
Edward was -not- happy he just got laughed at, even while the alcohol buzzed around in his head and made everything seem pleasant, he wasn't a child. And maybe he just had to prove that to the other. And he knew how. So when Russell started to move, he reached up and grabbed the other blond by the sides of his head, and crashed their mouths together in a weird upside-down kiss and washed the taste of whisky over the both of them. At first, Russell was in shock, dull blue eyes widened like saucers and he tensed up. But something about those baby soft lips belonging to the FullMetal Alchemist was tantalizingly tempting to indulge himself, so he relaxed and moved his lips feverishly back against the other in all his own excitement. Before he knew what they were doing, their lips fell open and their tongues intertwined with one another, and if Russell could just get drunk off a single kiss, this would be it. The older was the first to break the kiss, but that was only to crawl over and reposition himself in Russell's lap, straddling himself onto the boy's hips while the other remained flat on his back. He leaned down and met their lips again, this time softer but no less passionately as mismatched hands undid the rest of the buttons on his shirt and pulled it down his shoulders, running the warm and cold palms down the smooth flesh of his chest. Russell shivered, running his hands up Ed's back and grabbed the hair tie keeping his ponytail up, pulling it down to watch the golden locks flow back over himself as he leaned back upright and his hands traced the tanktop being pulled up and off of his skin. A cute noise rewarded for running soft skin over a sensitive scar, the older boy blushed and looked off to the side, just before the younger boy reached a hand up to brush his hair out of his face and behind his ear. "Sh-... Should we be doing this...?" He asked, mumbling softly. For all he knew it was the alcohol, but he had to agree with himself drunk or not, Ed was irresistible. "If it feels right..." Was Edward's answer, leaning down and pecking a soft, chaste kiss against the younger boy's chest. "With you, Ed, everything feels right."

**And he was right. Everything felt right with Russell, you could claim I was "Out of my sober mind," but all that drink really did was kick up my courage to a stupid level, and so I reached out to the closest person who wanted me. And Russell being someone I actually gave two shits about, his sweet bliss was something I wanted to embrace after such a bitter nightmare. We took things slow and I enjoyed something I hadn't in a long time, it... Honestly, was something I never wanted to regret.**

The day after their encounter, Ed had, of course, woken up sick and worn out. But even in his sober mind, feeling Russell's arms around him was something he desired and wanted to be closer to. They succeeded in slipping right under their little brother's noses, seeing as Fletcher and Alphonse were too occupied with one another, but alas, their time there didn't last forever. The week drew near and ended them where they were right then, standing at the station by the tracks and waiting for their train to take them away. The two younger brothers stood with one another and exchanged goodbyes, as well as their notes on plant alchemy. Fletcher handed over a hardback book, a few notes written on paper stuffed inside, and while they were distracted talking about it for a moment, the older Tringham brother had pulled aside the elder Elric out of hearing range of their brothers. "Come back any time you want to get things off your mind again... I'll be waiting for you." Russell gave Ed a sideways grin, which sparked a smile in the shorter blond. "I think things will straighten out from here. Thanks for all your help... And... Well, just for being there." And with a cautious glance around to make sure others' backs were turned, he leaned up on his toes to exchange one last, bittersweet goodbye kiss with Russell. If he could have stayed forever, he would have. But he couldn't, so he and Russell ended here until he came back.  
"Come back and visit again!" Russell called behind the Elric brothers as they boarded their train, watching Edward turn and flash a real, genuine smile back at him. "We'll be back!" He laughed, before ushering his brother into the train and following suit behind him. The two brothers settled into their seats on the train, a table inbetween them. Their eyes were on the window as they waved back to the Tringham brothers, Alphonse giggling at Fletcher jumping up and down and waving the two off excitedly. Before long, Xenotime was out of sight and they had a while before they were back home, the two passed the time with a game of chess. The board and pieces were, by no doubt illegal defacing of public property via alchemy on Ed's part, made out of the table they shared inbetween them. Some time into their game, Alphonse finally decided to speak up his mind. "Brother...? Can I ask you a question?" Asked the gentle voice, interrupting Edward's thought process on which place to move his piece to next. "Shoot." His brother, completely mellowed out unlike the way over, answered and moved his piece over Al's to capture it. Quickly, though, the younger brother giggled and moved one of his pieces over several of Ed's due to an opening he left, leaving the blond to curse under his breath. "What was the real reason we came to Xenotime?" He felt a little more confident about asking, that was until Ed shied back into his seat a little and slumped his posture, flicking his piece forward. "King me." He wondered if he could get out of answering, but his little brother's silent stare spoke novels about his impending doom, so he accepted his fate and decided to answer. "Don't you think we needed the break?" Was what he decided to go with, watching with his breath held for a moment until the armor picked up a captured piece of his and kinged his check. Unspoken, to himself though, Alphonse couldn't help but think; "_Don't you mean you?_" But his brother had been through enough, and he loved Ed, so maybe he did need this. He only wished he'd open up a little more. Edward instantly realized he was doomed when Al giggled again, and in one move swept up his remaining three pieces, and his king due to a fowl move. "I win~" Laughed the younger, at which the older mused. "Don't you always?"

**And that was the happiest I'd felt in months, but of course staying there with Russell wasn't an option. But it felt good to know I had a pair of arms to fall back on... And for once, I didn't want to forget. How he made me just forget all my problems. I'd have to make do and make myself forget... Just... Forget.**

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A/N: So, don't be shy to leave a review, they make me all happy on the inside. And the next chapter will be out shortly, seeing as I'm going to be continuing with the previous story and rewriting something I already have, this shouldn't take as long as this chapter did! ... Hopefully. xD Stay in tune~


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